Sometimes, in the bleak of winter, I pine to get out of the house and abuse my body. Shoveling the driveway always does the trick.
Shoveling a driveway full of wet snow;
Nothing to do but bend, thrust, lift and throw,
Over and over and over again.
It’s a chance in the drear of winter to lose intellect,
To lose self.
No higher consciousness,
No considering.
Just muscle and fat and bone, and my heavy panting —
All in the solitude of a bitter cold
New England night.
You know the panting.
It’s the type that sounds like you’re breathing
In slow motion, with your ears plugged full —
Loud and measured and very, very natural;
A reminder that oxygen, not food or water,
Is our foremost essential sustenance.
There are other things at play, too —
Other things that make you forget your intellect.
There’s the sound of the thwap
As I toss the snow over a rising bank of white.
And the dull concussion of my leaden boots
As I tromp around slow and mindless.
And the buzzing of the power lines overhead,
That sounds like the sun baking a desolate savannah.
And then there’s the weight of the snow,
Sitting there like a lump on the end of my shovel;
So heavy, it easily crooks my back in two,
Like a fat child on the end of a seesaw.
It’s all so refreshingly mindless:
The panting.
The thwap.
The concussion.
The buzz.
The weight.
The solitude.
Nothing to do but bend, thrust, lift and throw.
Over and over and over again.
When the warmer weather finally comes,
I think I’ll head out back and dig me a hole.